It has been long since I had written something. Perhaps four months have passed. But then I got too much involved in the events of the Foundation. I needed to shoulder many responsibilities as the Director of the Foundation. Feeling little relaxed today, I said with a cup of coffee in my hands. I don't know whom was I answering, the maid who handed me the coffee or the one within me. I don't know actually whether I was repenting for not using my writing skills well or actually responding to the questions asked by her, "arre madam ji aaj bahut dino baad apne laptop par aur woh bhi apne blog par. Sab theek hai na". kahin koi phone to nahi aaya tha". She asked with a sense of concern. I replied, "nahi nahi aisa nahi hai, sab theek hai, bas aise hi". She left the room leaving me alone, with bundles of questions in her mind.
She knew me so well. Yes I did receive a phone call from him after a very long time. Months later he called me up, our chat was formal, very formal, he gave all his excuses for not calling, his busy schedule, his wife, his kids and his favourite one, "I didn't call because I don't want to put you in trouble".
We conversed for about five minutes, talking here and there in which I was never interested but then those were the etiquette.
With bye on either side, the conversation stopped.
His voice still haunted me. His all repetitive excuses. Truly, He did nothing to put me in trouble. He never called me when I wanted him to do so, he was never there when I needed him. He had never put me in trouble but then yes, I was troubled myself. I was troubled because I wanted him to be there for me whenever I needed him, to stand for me in all odds, to dot me, to make me feel special and what not a teen could expect in their fancy world. But fancies are fancy only. There's a vast difference between a real and fancy world. This is perhaps what I forgot.
He is not to be blamed, he was never at fault, it was all mine because I expected too much from him. He had never promised me anything, but knowingly or unknowingly I expected a lot from him. perhaps I should have understood long back that I am not the one he ever needed, his choices were special in which I could have never framed myself.
I was lying on my bed, in my room, when Rani again entered to read all my unsaid expressions. She knew me well. She said nothing wiping off my tears. She switched off the lights and left the room leaving me again with my odd memories.
"I will never put you in trouble, but you actually put me in trouble............. "
